


Missing You

by romxnogersav



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Heartbreak, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25259122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romxnogersav/pseuds/romxnogersav
Summary: He hurt you, even though he promised he wouldn’t. He had also been missing you, but so had you.
Relationships: Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers (mentioned), Steve Rogers/Reader
Kudos: 44





	Missing You

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for @captain-rogers-beard 's One Hit Wonder Challenge on Tumblr. The song used as inspiration is "Missing you" by John Waite. It's another work I'm just now transferring to AO3 because I was a bit too lazy until now, hah.
> 
> Enjoy!💫

The apartment was silent, vacant. It had been like that for some time now. Gone were the laughs and peaceful nights you spent on the couch, curled up under his arm. Gone were the mornings you woke up in your warm bed next to him, or to an already made breakfast.

Gone was the man, that once said he loved you. The same man that time and time again said how much he wanted to be with you. He was the same man that told you that even though he loved you, he couldn't. Not because he didn't want to, but because his heart was longing to be with someone else, he wanted something else.

Steve Rogers was that man. The man that loved unconditionally, cared, and respected deeply. The man that you thought would never turn up to be like the others you've been with before. You were oh so very wrong.

Three months ago, Steve Rogers had broken your heart by breaking what you had, so he could go back to his old love, maybe his only love - Peggy Carter.

You should have seen it coming, maybe you kind of did. When Steve had come home that night, there had been something different about him, about his demeanor. You had brushed it off at first, but that gut feeling and the nasty voice in the back of your head told you something was definitely going to happen, and it did.

Steve had sat down on the couch, hunched forward, and asked for you to come to sit with him. Then with a sigh, he had told you what was wrong. Peggy Carter had come back to the US from London a few weeks ago, and Steve? He couldn't forget the love he had for her, he wanted to try again. With glassy eyes and a dozen apologies, he had told you one last time that he did love you, and walked out the door. Steve, who promised you he'd do his damn best not to let anything hurt you, promised he would never hurt you.

It had been three months since that Wednesday in late March. The first couple of weeks were the hardest. So many different things were swirling in your head. You had tried to pin the blame on yourself even. Maybe you hadn't been enough? Maybe you were his second choice and you always will be.

You had sulked for some time, much to Natasha's disappointment. You had blamed him, yourself, even the ever perfect Peggy Carter. You had cried yourself to sleep, refused to go out, leave your bed even. Thank God for your friends though.  
  
They had let you be for a week, only because you had asked for space, but after the first week, they had enough. Natasha, Wanda, and her brother Pietro had waltzed into your apartment and pulled you from your bed. They had sent you to take a shower, while they cleaned the apartment. When you had gotten out, much to your amusement both Bucky and Sam, Steve's closest friends were there as well. They had brought food, a few movies, and a couple of board games for you to play.

You were surprised that both Bucky and Sam were on your side in all of this. They were in your corner fully. Both of them had tried to talk Steve out of it but without success. They had tried to reason with him, show him the life he was leaving to go back to Peggy, but you guessed his heart worked harder than his mind. And his heart was telling him to go back to Peggy.

It had taken you some time to go on with your life, to try and move on but you were getting there, you were taking it one step at a time, day by day and as far as you knew, you were going to come out on the other end.

You walked around the couch towards the wall where your guitar sat. You've been finding solace in playing every once in a while.

You picked the instrument and moved around the place, sitting down in one of the armchairs. You took a position, setting one of your legs a bit higher than the other, placing the guitar just above your knee. You moved your fingers over the strings a couple of times and with a deep breath, you started a melody.

You weren't really sure what you were actually playing until the familiar tone of Missing you by John Waite took over. You had been playing the melody a couple of times over the last week or so, but you never actually got around to singing the song. Well, maybe today was finally that day.

With a deep breath in, you started up top and soon the words flew out of your mouth.

**_Every time I think of you  
I always catch my breath_ **

A variety of memories, moments of the relationship you and Steve had, started flushing in front of you as you sang. Small details, big things, moments you might never be able to forget.

The day you met was one of those.

_It was a nice spring Tuesday morning. You wanted to say that your day had started out good, but you would be lying. You had overslept and barely been able to get ready fast enough to leave for work. You were in desperate need of coffee, so you had stopped at your favorite coffee shop._

_There was a line of at least three people and you had half a mind to just skip on the coffee in favor of making it on time. You were tapping your foot impatiently, checking your phone like crazy, when the man in front of you turned around with a kind smile._

_"What are you having?" he asked you, blue eyes boring into yours._

_"I'm sorry?" You said in question._

_"What's your coffee order? I'm sorry if I'm overstepping, but you seem to be in a hurry so I thought I could order for you." He said a genuinely sweet smile displayed on his face._

_It was an incredibly nice gesture, even though you were strangers._

_"I- that's really sweet of you. Thank you" you gave in, telling him your coffee order and extending your hand. "I'm Y/N," you told him, giving him a small grin in return._

_"Steve." He introduced himself with one of his most charming smiles, one you quickly learned to love._

**_And there's a storm that's raging  
Through my frozen heart tonight_ **

So many other scenes, words, and memories flooded your mind. So many moments you had spent together. Cooking together, cuddling, walking around the park in the early mornings. Making love, kissing, whispering sweet nothings to each other.

The memories you had, as much as they reminded you of the pain Steve left you with, they will always remind you of the greatest times you've had together.

**_I ain't missing you at all  
(Missing you, missing you)  
Since you've been gone away  
(Missing you, missing you)_ **

Suddenly a memory, maybe one of the ones you loved the most, flushed before you.

_It was a quiet Saturday afternoon. You and Steve had spent almost the whole day at home, save for getting out for your morning walk._

_You were curled up on the couch in the living room, you with you back against Steve's front, and his back leaned on the armrest of the couch. With one of his arms around you, his other held a book. You were also reading a book, your head lying on his chest. Soft jazz played in the background from the old fashioned record player sat atop a small table against the wall._

_Steve's fingers would occasionally brush against yours where your hands were sitting close._

_He moved a bit behind you, getting more comfortable before closing his book and setting it on the table behind the couch. Both his hands snaked around your waist, hugging you tightly. His head buried itself into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent with a content sigh._

_"What are you doing?" You laughed a bit, slightly ticklish from the movement of his beard against your neck._

_"I'm cuddling my girlfriend, what does it look like?" He said quietly, laying a few feather-like kisses on your neck. You giggled, book forgotten somewhere on the coffee table._

_His face moved from your neck, laying a few kisses in your hair before moving around to your ear._

_"Can I tell you something?" He whispered quietly, his fingers intertwining with yours._

_"Of course," you said just as quietly, waiting to hear what he had to say._

_You were almost able to hear his heart beating in his chest, its' pace quickening just a little._

_"I love you" he whispered against your ear, gently squeezing you to him even more. Your eyes blew wide, and for a second you just sat there until a big smile appeared on your face.  
  
You tilted your head back, your eyes moving across Steve's face for a second before you cupped his cheek in hand._

_"And I love you" you whispered back and leaned up to press your lips together._

**_I ain't missing you_  
(Missing you, missing you)  
No matter what I might say  
(Missing you, missing you)**

A small tear escaped your eye, just as a knock came from the door. You stopped your hand from moving against the strings, setting the guitar on the armchair. You stood and wiped at your eyes with the back of your hand, moving towards the door.

You took a deep breath and flicked the lock twice, before pulling the door open.

You expected almost anything and anyone to be standing on the other side of that door, but you didn't expect to see him there.

You stood there, your eyes going back and forth over his face, his eyes, waiting. He looked, honestly he looked like a wreck, no better than you. His face was pale. His eyes were red-rimmed, with dark circles underneath. His hair was a mess, both from probably messing it up too much and needing a shower. He looked tired, stressed out, from what, you couldn't tell.

You waited a few seconds, your hand tightly gripping the doorknob, your other holding the door with just as much force.

You didn't know how you felt about all of this. About his sudden appearance, his presence.

He looked at you, eyes racking around your body, your face before he stopped and took a deep breath. He opened his mouth and closed it a couple of times before he suddenly said in a small voice.

"I'm sorry"

"I beg your pardon?" You asked instantly, your voice cracking slightly. What was he even doing here? What was he apologizing for?

"I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. A dumbass, a clown, and every other adjective that can explain what a fucking dumb person, what an asshole I am." He said, his voice rising. You looked at him stunned, but then pulled him into the apartment in fear of your neighbors hearing you. Whatever it is that Steve wanted to talk about, didn't need to be public knowledge.

When he stepped in, he took in his surroundings for a second, then covered his face with his hands. The apartment had changed since the last time he was here. The furniture was moved around, the walls freshly painted. There were things missing, others were new.

"I'm a fucking moron," he said quietly.

You were at a loss for words. Three months, it had been three months since you last saw him, and yet here he was now, telling you how stupid he was.

"What's all of this Steve? What do you want? Shouldn't you be somewhere relishing in your love with Peggy?" The pain was evident in your voice, your face, and your eyes too. It took every ounce of him to not jump forward and wrap you up in his arms, and tell you how sorry he was.

"I fucked up Y/N. I'm the biggest idiot to ever walk the Earth." he sighed, his hands moving his hair around. He crossed his hands across his chest, looking down at his shoes.

"Steve, what are you doing here?" You asked, your voice raising just a bit, your nerves, your emotions getting the best of you.

"I needed, I wanted to apologize. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. For the way, I ended what we had, for the things I said. I want to apologize for the pain that I caused you, the tears you had to shed over the mistake that I made. Because Y/N, leaving, it was a mistake, a really big one." he whispered the last part, his voice breaking. His eyes glassed over, his cheeks flushing a bit red. Your hands trembled, your own eyes welling with tears.

"You can't just come and say things like that Steve, not after what you did." You told him, turning around and wrapping your hands around yourself as if that would actually help protect you.

"I was wrong Y/N. Things with Peggy, they didn't work out.." you cut him out before he could continue. White, hot anger filling you up.

"Let me stop you right there Steve Rogers. I am not going to be your second choice. I'm not gonna be second best, Steve, I don't want to be. I'm never going to be enough, am I? Because all you have ever longed for is here. I'm not going to be enough because all your heart wants is her." You tried to keep your emotions at bay, but at the end of the sentence, a choked sob escaped you.

Steve moved closer, laying his hand on your arm. Upon the contact, you wrenched your arm off, getting a step away from him.

"That's not, that's not what this is. It's not. Things didn't work out with Peggy, because my heart wasn't there, my heart didn't want for things to work out. It doesn't want to be with her, doesn't want to come home to her, wake up next to her. It doesn't long for her touch, for her lips and her affection. You were never and never will be second best because my heart wants you. It chose you, and I was just too big of a fool to realize it when I should have." He said, his voice quiet, but evidently breaking with every word he said.

“I can't lose you Y/N Y/L/N. I can't lose the woman that I love, the woman that has seemed to catch my heart, the woman that floods my mind every minute of every day. I can't lose that strong and independent, intelligent, and caring woman that makes my heart beat a mile an hour. I can't let you go, and I was a fool to think I needed someone else when all I ever needed was right in front of me. I'm so sorry sweetheart." He choked out, a sob leaving him. His cheeks were covered in tears, ones freely going down and reaching the end of his face, sliding down his neck too.

You weren't any better. You were trembling, your cheeks wet with the tears that couldn't seem to stop.

He dropped to his knees, his arms wrapping tightly around your middle, leaning his head against your stomach. Another sob left him, his arms tightening around you.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." His voice dropped even more, so much pain laced with it.

A sob escaped the back of your throat. You dropped down to your knees too, your hands wrapping around Steve's neck, your face buried itself into the crock of his neck. One of your hands covered the back of his neck, your fingered twisting in between the hairs there.

Steve's hands found their place, one on the back of your head and the other gently moving up and down your back.

You both sobbed, shushed, and held each other, walking each other through the emotional rollercoaster you went through. You spoke sweet nothings to each other as if you weren't any longer together. It was natural.

After some time passed, your sobs and cries dulled down, reducing to soft whimpers and hiccups, and that’s when Steve spoke again.

"I'm sorry, for everything darlin'. I just, if you'd give me the chance, I promise I won't let you down. Never again. _I've been missing you_ so much sweetheart." he told you softly, his breath warm against your ear, his fingers moving over your hair. You squeezed him closer, unable to voice your thoughts.

You loved him, and that would never change. He was an idiot sure, but he was an idiot you had loved for over two years. A man you had loved unconditionally, fully with all of your heart.

" _I've been missing you too,_ " you told him quietly, a chuckle like sob leaving him before his lips kissed the top of your head.

People always said that love conquers all, and maybe it really does, because sitting there, in Steve's arms even after everything that happened, you still loved him.

No man was perfect, because perfect men hardly ever existed. And Steve Rogers? He was far from perfect, but at least he had a heart, one that belonged to you, one that wanted you.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr [romaxnogersav](https://romaxnogersav.tumblr.com/)


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